Identity Crisis

I've had a message stirring in my heart lately about my identity.  See, I've begun realizing how many things in my life have the potential to take precedence over my identity in Christ.  Here on this earth, we have careers, and spouses, and children, and hobbies, and so many roles that we play.  If we aren't careful, it is easy to begin to find our identity in those things, rather than finding our identity in Jesus, and letting our "sub-identities" (for lack of a better descriptor) be an outcropping of our true identity.

Here's the thing.  No matter how great we are at any one role, no matter how strong our marriage is, or how great of a musician, or how successful of an athlete, or how enviable of a parent we are, every single one of those things can be shaken!  The one thing that cannot is our Lord Jesus Christ.  Our identity comes from the fact that we are adopted heirs to to the Kingdom of God, and it is His Spirit who lives inside of us.

My Identity is Not in My CAREER

Here's the bottom line.  I have a great job.  It is OH SO rewarding!  But, it is also HARD.  Especially for a Type A, Perfectionistic personality, because the fact-of-the-matter is that it is impossible to do my job perfectly.  Come to think of it, it's probably impossible to do any complex job perfectly, in all reality.  But, I work diligently to earn my keep, and a few weeks ago, I was feeling beat down and run down, and wondering if "anyone noticed" (woe is me!) how much effort I put into my tasks at hand.  

And then, out of the clear blue, as if God heard the very cries of my heart, I got notified that I had been nominated and was chosen as the recipient of a pretty stinkin' prestigious award in my field.  Not just by colleagues within my agency, but by a large organization that consists of educators and rehab specialists from across the entire state.  What. An. HONOR.  And, how utterly HUMBLING! 

Especially in the midst of my inner grumbling.

I feel like the Lord knew what I needed at that very time and place to reassure me that I am in the right career, and that He sees me in the midst of my struggles.

But, I also feel like He used that very circumstance to remind me that, even a prestigious accolade in my career field pales in comparison to the riches that await me when I find my identity in Him - not in the temporary things of this earth.  See, in the type of job that I do, I am blessed beyond measure, and I also put in a lot of hours that yield great reward, so it would be so very easy for me to begin shifting my focus to being "Hannah Holmes, Blind Children's Specialist," rather than "Hannah Holmes, Child of the Living God!"  (That begs me to wonder, even, how many ministers struggle with staking their identity as "So-n-So, Minister of God" before "So-n-So, Child of God."  I would imagine, that's a challenging identity crisis.)  I think every career field has the potential to dominate one's identity, simply because of how much of ourselves we pour into our jobs.

That's not to say that God doesn't call me to work hard at what I do.  To the contrary, the apostle Paul commands that I work hard, as if working for the Lord, and not for man!  But, that hard work is merely an outcropping of my identity as a follower of Christ.  In fact, I'll be honest, I see far too many professing Christians who do not work hard in their career fields.  I want to give Christians a good name in my job.  "She's the one who shows up on time, and works hard, and loves people, and promotes peace within the office environment, but above all, it is because she is one who loves the Lord."  I'm not saying I hit the nail on the head in every one of those areas 100% of the time.  I am a work-in-progress, but I continue to grow in righteousness, even in the workplace, the more I focus my identity on the One Who saves me.  See, I can try, on my own terms, to be a hard worker, but I will never fulfill my purpose as an employee without my foundation in the Lord.

My Identity is Not in My MARRIAGE

I am a wife.  But, when I start to stake my identity in my husband (which is so easy to do!), the strength of our marriage is weak compared to the strength that comes when I seek to fulfill the Lord's calling on me as a bride!  Until that vertical relationship (me-to-God) is intact, the horizontal relationship (me-to-Jeremy) will always be lacking, to some degree.  My identity is not in Jeremy, but my identity as his bride is an outcropping of my identity in God.  And, even if I can't perceive that something is "lacking" when I stake my identity in my spouse, I will be able to perceive the greater fulfillment that overflows when that Identity Shift takes place!  God absolutely wants to bless us with strong marriages (after all, He designed marriage as a model to demonstrate His relationship to the church!), but He does not want the marriage relationship to replace or take precedence over our relationship with Him (which can easily happen, especially when our relationships are strong.)  A marriage in which both parties stake their identities in the Lord is bound to overflow with blessings and Spiritual fruit!!

My Identity is Not in my MOTHERING

I am a mother.  For those who don't know....well....motherhood is downright difficult!  If I were to stake my entire identity in my mothering skills, I would be an absolute failure.  I think many of us would, no matter how amazing we may appear to public onlookers.  I think this is an area where many, many women may feel tempted to stake their identities, because it becomes a 24/7 job, and quite literally consumes every moment of our lives.  We want to do things right and good and we want people to perceive us as ones who "have it all together."  We become the Betty Crocker Mom, or the Soccer Mom, or the Classroom Mom.  And, that's all well and good, but it's not the CORE of who we ARE!

The truth is, we all have our moments, when we are less than patient, raise our voices, feel like we're the ones who need to be put in "time out."  We can't be perfect all the time.  And, that's OKAY!  But, what I have found is that with the Lord as my Guide, I make better decisions, I develop more patience and perseverance, and I grow my children up, the best I can, in the way that God desires.  

When my identity is in God, He speaks to me, through the Holy Spirit.  It's just a matter of listening a little more closely, and, more importantly, responding to His voice.  Then, when my son begins throwing an off-the-charts temper tantrum, I am able (not by my own might or willpower, but by the strength and persuasion of the Lord's voice) to remain calm and de-escalate a situation that I, by my own mommy-nature, may only provoke or worsen.

My Identity is Not in my HOBBIES

I've been fortunate enough, throughout my life, that I am pretty decent at any hobby I've really set my heart on, whether it be sports or music.  And, I've gone through times where I've found my identity in what I was "good" at.  It's an easy trap to fall into, especially for those who are naturally gifted in certain areas.  But, it is important to realize that those gifts come from God, and belong to God.  Outside of God, we are nothing and we have nothing.  Those things are temporary and can go away as quickly as they came.  

Most recently, I've taken up the sport of running.  Who knows why because I am not good at running!  But, I know a lot of people who are.  And, I won't lie - I envy them.  But, I guess it's a good thing I'm not good at it, because if I was as good at running as I'd like to be, that would be one more thing that could easily vie for my stake of identity.  "I am Hannah Holmes, the Runner."  As it is, I just enjoy getting out there and soaking up any particular lesson God wants to give me during any given run.  And, that works for me.

But, I have struggled with wanting to be, "Hannah Holmes, the Runner" or "Hannah Holmes, the Awesome Fiddler," or "Hannah Holmes, the 115-lb Fitness Queen."  It's when I refocus to "Hannah Holmes, God's Precious Child," that I remember all those other desires are but measly by comparison to my True Identity.

What about you?  Do you find yourself staking your identity in your roles, rather than in God?  See, what happens when we stake our identity in the things of this world is that, when we are met with disappointment (which we will be met with disappointment, at some point), we begin to internalize that there is, then, something wrong with us.  "I didn't get the raise I thought I deserved" or worse yet, "I lost my job," or "Someone else beat my record," or "I got 2nd chair," or "My marriage failed," or "My kids rebelled," and somehow that says something about my worth.  But, the truth is that God has already decided your worth, and it's beyond all comprehension.  See He paid the ultimate price in sending His Son to die to pay the price for your life.  So, see?  Nothing in this world gets to decide your worth, because God's Word is Bigger than anything determined by some silly thing of this world.

What a challenge it will be to say, "I am a child of God.  That's who I am and Whose I am.  And, from that identity, I will do [this] or [that]."  I wonder how it will shift your perspective, or even your success.

As for me, I am a work in progress, but I love what God is teaching me about what it means to stake my entire identity in Him.