My Sozo Experience

Sozo = Save, Heal, Deliver (Based on the Greek word for Salvation through Jesus Christ)

I just had my much anticipated Sozo session this week, and anyone who has been through this inner healing and deliverance ministry will understand why I just can’t contain myself from shouting to the world about the depths of my experience! 

For those who have never experienced it, be forewarned that you may think I’m… well  -to use my friend, Jenn’s, expression - a little Cukoo for Cocopuffs!  But, in all reality, I’m totally okay with that, because my life is sure to be a testimony to the truths of what I have been through, and I am 100% convinced I was delivered from some pretty intense strongholds!!  Some, of which, I never even REALIZED the effects of their weight on my spirit, until they were cut off! 

I’ll be honest, after a 2-1/2 hour session yesterday, I thought, “Where has this ministry been all my life, and where was it during all those years when I tried to get ‘fixed’ through self-help books and conventional counseling?!”  That’s not to say that I’m not a supporter of counseling.  That’s my background, after all, so I’m confident it has its place.  But I’m here to attest to the fact that true healing comes from releasing forgiveness, confessing sin, and relinquishing everything from your hands and into the hands of Jesus Christ … as led by the Holy Spirit.  He will show you what you’re still hanging onto!

But, first let me begin at …um … the beginning.  As in, why did I feel the need for sozo?

As many of my friends and family are aware, I have been dealing with a somewhat mysterious neurological condition for several months.  I had a similar onset of this condition in 2005, which then went into remission for several years.  I have recently been referred to a top-notch Movement Disorders Specialist in Houston, to treat me for what is thought to be a condition called Paroxysmal Dyskinesia.  For more information on the manifestations of my episodes, see my other blog post.

So, I used to have these episodes all day every day, but they’ve slowed down substantially, particularly following a “healing prayer” session at church on February 7.  (For more info on that session, see this blog post).  Now, I only have them about once a week, or so.

So, a few weeks ago, I began reading a book called Shadow Boxing, about spiritual strongholds, and doors that we open to various spirits (through personal sin, trauma, generational curses, etc.), and while I was reading the book, the Holy Spirit was blowing my mind with things from my past that may have opened the door for various demonic spirits to latch on.  Now, let me address a question some people may have:  If you are a Christian, how can you be possessed by a demon?  The short answer is: You can’t.  In the book, the author describes a great analogy:  If your neighbor needs a vehicle, and you let him borrow your car all of the time, then why would he need to own (or…possess) that vehicle?  After all, he has free reign to take it for a spin whenever he wants!  The same holds true for spiritual strongholds.  As long as we give them legal grounds to be there, then they will stay, although it is not a possession of your soul, like might happen with a non-believer.  But, when you close all of those doors, by surrendering to Christ, then they no longer have legal grounds, and must clean up the damage they have created, and leave.

So, the night after I finished reading Shadow Boxing, I had an exceptionally vivid dream – a vision, I believe.  I was at the park and I was desperately searching for a little girl because I needed to pray for her.  I needed to pray for her salvation.  But, she kept hiding from me.  Then, I determined I needed to pray for her healing.  But, again, she continued to hide.  Finally, the Lord spoke to me, “She doesn’t need prayer for salvation.  She doesn’t need prayer for healing.  This one has a spirit of fear!”

At that moment, I woke up, most certain that God had just used a dream to convey to me that I’ve been seeking healing prayer, when, in fact, I need deliverance from a spirit of fear!  So, I began praying against a spirit of fear.  When I did this, my body became sooooo rigid! (This REALLY happened!  I’m not dreaming anymore!  We’re BACK in Kansas, Toto!!)  My body became so rigid, with my muscles in my face, arm, and abs involved (like in my episodes), and my tongue even became completely rigid in my mouth.  It frightened me because I was home alone, with my children in their beds, so I stopped praying, not knowing what was about to happen, nor how to handle a potential demonic manifestation.  It. WAS. CRAZY!!!

At first, I didn’t tell anyone about the experience because I was thinking, myself, that I might be a little cukoo for Cocopuffs!  But, after a few days, I couldn’t contain myself, and I told my brother, Gary, about the dream, and his response was an immediate, “We’ve GOT to get you set up for a sozo!”  So, we did!

Sozo is a one-on-one encounter with the Holy Spirit, in which the He reveals to you in vivid and undeniably clear ways, doors that have opened in your life to give demonic spirits legal grounds to your life.  And, the best part is that, throughout the process, as you confess, forgive, relinquish things into the hands of Jesus, the Lord heals you and cleanses you, and in as vivid and undeniably clear ways, shows you His Truth and the depths of His love for you!  It is a time of unimaginable intimacy with the Lord, and the best part is that it doesn’t  have to end when you walk out of the sozo session!  It is just the beginning of a renewed, deeper, hand-in-hand walk with our Father God!!

So, as I mentioned before, my session lasted about 2-1/2 hours.  It’s 100% spirit led, and you begin simply by inviting the Holy Spirit in to speak to your heart and determine where to begin.  So, I’ll admit - straight away, I was feeling pretty nervous, and I just flat-out asked the facilitator, “Um, okay, so what happens if the Holy Spirit doesn’t speak to me or show me anything?”  Suffice it to say, that was a non-issue!  The Holy Spirit made himself known immediately and gave us the direction to go!  He showed me so many doors that have been opened (either by my own doing, sins of family members, or sins that I was subjected to without my consent, or even areas of lack of forgiveness in my heart).  Truly, I was floored at the amount of unforgiveness that I have harbored toward many people!  Unforgiveness that I never would have identified outside of divine intervention!  I went back to memories from before I even knew I could remember!  And, with each and every door, I was guided through the process of confession, forgiving, even breaking soul ties that I didn't realize still existed, and relinquishing it all to Jesus, and then, without FAIL, I would receive a vision from the Lord!  A crystal clear vision! 

EVERY. TIME!!

Prior to yesterday, I never would have qualified myself as a “visions” kind of person.  (Apparently, I was wrong).

Some of the vision I had were:

a)    A chain breaking

b)    (This one cracks me up, but was gentle, yet powerful, in its own right): A demon repairing a fence it had destroyed, putting its hammer into its toolbox, and, literally, hanging its head and moping away in defeat.

c)    A vision of the blood of Jesus filling up my entire body!

d)    A vision of God, literally, holding my heart in His hands.  (Hard to describe, and sounds a little gruesome, but it wasn’t.  It was perfect!)

e)    An image of being face to face with Jesus, with his hands cupped gently on each side of my head.

f)     A vision of myself, standing in the middle of an open field, eyes toward heaven, as I was being covered with falling snow.

Perhaps the most dramatic (?) encounter was when we determined that I had a spirit of fear (surprise, surprise!), which had attached to me as the result of a childhood trauma, and did not want to leave.  (By the way, this isn’t overly common, as most spirits will simply surrender in defeat, and leave, once the legal grounds have been removed). But this one wasn’t willing to just give up the ghost!  The sozo facilitator dealt with that spirit in different way than the others, speaking directly to the spirit, by the authority of Jesus, rather than communicating through the Holy Spirit.  When it came time to cut the spirit off, he began speaking with authority over the spirit, refusing it the right to converse, resist, or manifest, and when this occurred, my body became seized up, in the same way as the manifestations of my episodes, with one exception:  My abdominals became so tight that I actually got a charlie horse in the abdominal muscles, which prompted me to let out a loud, completely involuntary moan, and then …

It was gone! 

My body returned to complete relaxation!  We prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill that void where the spirit of fear had once resided!  Suffice it to say, I am confident that I will not be going to Houston to see a Movement Disorders Specialist!

Think I’m crazy yet? 

That’s okay.  I’m a walking testimony.  I cannot describe how light-on-my-feet I have felt since this encounter.  Probably because I’ve been living with a spirit of fear since the time I was about 8-years-old.  I haven’t KNOWN any different.  I didn’t even realize the amount of heaviness with which I walked around each day.  Everything in my life has been plagued with some degree of angst. 

I can’t take my kids to the park without worrying about losing sight of one of them.  I’m tormented by a fear of one of my kids getting hit by a car.  I am overbearing every time I leave town, and have to leave them with a sitter.  When I was 19, I tried to live in an apartment by myself, but couldn’t because I was overcome by fear.  I’m afraid of failing at work.  I’m afraid of failing at writing.  I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.  I’m afraid of what people think of me.  I’m often even afraid to talk to Jeremy about spiritual matters, for fear of what he might think. 

Make that “WAS.”  WAS AFRAID.

But, not anymore.  I feel this freedom and relief.  A light-hearted joy.  A confidence.  Almost like a manic high!!  “It is Finished,” God has assured me.  All as a result of this intimate time of surrendering it all to Jesus. 

And, the best part is that this is only the beginning!

To Love, or Not to Love....THAT is the Question!

"'Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?'  Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'"

Matthew 22:36-40

Awhile back, my brother lent me a film called Furious Love -- a documentary about a man who went into the darkest places of the earth to test whether God's love truly transcends all.  It's an inspiring, eye-opening documentary, and a must watch, for anyone grappling with the reality of the spiritual realm.  (And, especially for those of us whose only exposure to the mysteries of God are through a limited "Western churchy" religion.)  After running into a friend yesterday, and getting into a discussion about the film, I decided to watch it again, in hopes of getting Jeremy to watch it with me.  I was thrilled that, with a little coaxing, he agreed to watch the film with me, and he even stated that it was different than what he had anticipated, and he liked it.  I'll admit, it was even better the second time around, for me.  And, God is impressing some strong things upon my heart, in response to the film.

The overarching theme that I got out of the film was that we, as Christians, are called, first and foremost, to LOVE people.  Not because we have an agenda to "convert" them, but simply because that is what the Lord has commanded us to do!  After all, no matter who the person is, nor what is their circumstance, God made that person, and knows the destiny that He has in store for that person!  When I accepted Christ as my Savior, the Lord God made His dwelling inside of me.  It is real.  God is in me, and He is love, so therefore, I am to be love to others. ALL others. Because God loves EVERYONE. 

And yet, suddenly, I have become acutely aware of how badly I fall short in this area. And, I'm not speaking just of "not loving" my enemies.  I struggle with this commandment to LOVE, even to those who should be absolutely easiest for me to love!  I mean, if I'm being perfectly honest (confession time), I'm probably kinder in my display of love to total strangers than I am to my own husband.  I get so caught up in the frustrations of my day, and the first person I take it out on is poor Jeremy!  (I mean, I'm sure that if there is one thing that may have him convinced there are such things as spiritual strongholds, it's in dealing with his his loonytoon wife, some days!)  And, yet, he is the one I am in covenant to love above all else besides God!  So, if I can't demonstrate the full scope of 1 Corinthians 13 love to him, that God calls me to, then how can I ever expect to get it right with my enemies?  And, furthermore, why is it so dadgum difficult for me to do this??  (I think I have a snippet of an idea, but I'll get to it in a minute.)

What does the Word say about love?  I've read it a million times, but suddenly, I get it!  Read it again:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails..."

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Sounds ideal, doesn't it?  And, you may think (as I have) that that is an impossible level of love to get to.  Well, if I remember correctly,

"With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37

See, I think the Failure to Love phenomenon goes back to an Identity Crisis.  (For more on Image vs. Identity, I highly Recommend the CD series of that name by Bob Hazlett).  We (or, I, at least), as Christians, are failing to embrace our true identity in Christ.  We can't do the "right" things (and praise be to God we don't have to, thanks to GRACE) - in-and-of ourselves, that is.  Our natural mind is constantly at battle with our spiritual nature, which has been 100% redeemed.  We have to stop surrendering to sin, and instead surrendering to God.  We have the mind of Christ!  Christ is LOVE.  When we walk in that Truth, and remember who we are, and Whose we are, we walk in the power to overcome the impossible!  If LOVING is the GREATEST commandment, then how much more does God long to empower us to embody that commandment?!?!  THAT is how we become the hands and feet of Jesus.  Not just to strangers, and "the lost," but within our very homes, within our very families, within our very workplaces!  In the places where we spend the most time and, consequently, have the most "trying" relationships.  It's easy to be patient when you spend limited time around someone.  But, to be patient with your mother, who is constantly trying to dictate how you run your life?  Or the colleague who is the Negative Nancy or the Know it All?  Or the girlfriend who gossips about everyone (and probably even you, when you're not around).  Loving that person requires the grace of God - the ability to see that person how God sees her!  


And, what about the times when you feel unloved by others?  I mean, I think everyone who is married understands that there are times when you naturally feel like your spouse is not showing you enough love.  Or what about when your lifelong friend betrays your trust?  What then?  Do you still love?  YES!  Because we are not called to love because we feel loved by others.  No.  But, rather, we are called to love because He first loved us!

"We love because he first loved us.  If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar.  For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.  And he has given us this command:  Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

1 John 4:19-21

We can only do this when we set our hearts and minds on things above.  When we see ourselves the way God sees us, and can then see others the way God sees them -- as clay vessels, our Potter's very own display of workmanship!

And, the good news, is He is here.  He is now!  He is the overcomer within you!  It is through His eyes that we see others the way He sees them.

He is Love.

And HE is IN you!

WALK IN THAT TRUTH!  EMBRACE IT!  LIVE IT!!

And, once we learn to love those closest to us, in the way that God commands, then I can only imagine Christ's love grows even more abundantly in our hearts, so that we can reach out and love even those who, to the world, seem unlovable!

The Holy Spirit moved within my heart to pray a prayer like this during Worship this morning:  

"God I pray that your Spirit fills every part of my being so that You are so present and active and alive in me that the tables are turned, and the Natural can't even get a word in edgewise."

Sometimes, God grows me up in secret places that I don't even pick up on,but I love it when He starts growing me up in very specific and obvious areas that I can recognize :)  Thank you, Lord!

Break on Through to the Other Side

I’m in a crazy place right now.  I’ve been struggling with so many things on my plate. 

At work.

At home.

With my kids.

With my husband.

With my social life.

And, certainly can’t forget with my spiritual life.

I’m in a tizzy everywhere, it seems.

It’s all I can do to keep my head above water at work, as my job has become the Multi-Task Master Supreme.  Then, I get home, and it doesn’t end there.  I have to remember the things I need to pick up at the grocery store.  I have to remember to bring diapers/wipes to daycare.  I have to remember to turn in all my little green stickers to the grocery store to claim my mini-appliance that I’ve earned! (Never mind the fact that I already own every type of appliance in the brochure!) I have to remember to pay our bills on time.  I have to (and absolutely want to) prioritize ample time to love on my babies…and my husband, while also keeping the house in order, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, finishing the laundry, and maybe getting in an occasional workout.  Lord knows, the list never gets caught up.  And, I’ve got an easy life compared to many people I know! 

And, yet, it’s all relative to our own little world-views.

Do you ever get into one of those ruts, where you feel like your wheels are spinning, but you are headed nowhere fast?  It’s the same mundane routine … every. single. day … day-in, and day-out, and for what?  To start it all over again tomorrow?  That’s where I’ve been lately.

And, yet, I feel this call to something greater.  Something more significant.  But, I can’t figure out what it is.  And, worse still, I can’t figure out when and where I can possibly fit that “something greater” into my life, and if it does fit, then how in the world am I going to have the energy to complete it??!

And, then, amidst all the worry and discord, I realize (by God’s good grace) where my error in thinking is:  How “in the world?”

“For it is not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord.”

(Zechariah 4:6)

I think for the first time that I can ever remember, I feel an underlying genuine peace, in the midst of the trial, in the deep-seeded truth that my life is in God’s hands.  I think it is natural for everyone, at some point, to crave an escape from the struggles of this life.  But, for now, I believe that God’s plot line is so much better than any I can come up with on my own.  The ending of the “Story of Hannah” is all worked out.  All I need to do is abide in the Lord. 

Easier said than done, I’ll admit.

But, here’s what I do know:

God knows the answer to my puzzle!  While I feel like my pieces are all haphazardly strewn about in the air, God knows exactly where they’re going to land.  And, that picture is going to be a FABULOUS display of His mighty work someday!

God is writing my melody line!  When all I hear is dissonance, God is preparing my resolution to consonance - A mighty crescendo that resolves to a chord, like no other, with the purest of quality of tones!

God is building my character, with depth and intention!  While I feel like I want an immediate “remedy,” God knows that relieving the symptoms doesn’t cure my disease.  He sees my circumstances, and He knows if he leaves me in the fire just a little longer, I will be refined as silver, reflecting His face.

See, He knows exactly where I am (and where you are).  I think that when sin came into the world, we were all destined to decide we know more than God, and we sometimes need Him to remind us that the Abundant Life comes when we “lean not on our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledge him, and He will direct our paths!” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

So, even though I’m feeling a little overwhelmed lately, I truly find rest in the assurance of knowing that God’s got it all worked out.  He’s got a plan for my life.  He’s doing a work in my world.  And, He IS gonna see me through to the other side.

Awesome!

Here goes NOTHIN'! (or maybe SOMETHING!)

[Finally starting on my book.  Here's a snippet of what I think it will be about...]

If you had asked my mom, when I was 10-years-old, what I was going to be when I grew up, my mom would have easily answered, “A writer.” She was convinced of it from the time I was very young. She and Dad frequently reminded me that they felt certain I was “destined for greatness.” I don't know about all of that, but what I do know is that they clearly possessed this amazingly pure and undefiled perspective of me, and their goal was to grow me up right, to mold me and shape me, and instill the confidence in me to become who they knew, all along, I was destined to be. It was a perspective that I could only truly understand after becoming a parent myself – a view of one's child that somehow filters through all of the sin and the muck and sees this bright shining star beaming from the core. A perspective that beholds even that which the world perceives as “bad” and recognizes how it can be transformed into something grand. See, parenthood, I've learned, is a pricelessly unique gift to give us but a glimpse into the nature of our own Father God. How He sees us. How we see Him. And, how we, then, can see ourselves.....[to be continued]