What Can Wash Away My Scents?

Ever since Jonah attended the Christmas Eve service with us at Beltway, he unceasingly sings praise and worship music around the house.  It's really the only type of music he sings.  Non.STOP.  I really should record some of the mis-sings, such as "My God is not dead, He's surely alive, living on the inside BOILING like a lion...." and "My God never loose the fate, My God never loose the fate!..." which he chants and repeats ad nauseum, and we are yet to figure out which song he is singing!  We bought the Unleashed CD from church, and he routinely (or compulsively??) requests to listen to one of 3 songs, which he has named and can distinguish within a couple of notes (He would ROCK "Name that Tune," I'm certain!).  We get in the car, and it always goes something like this: "I wanna sing the Never Give Up song." or "I wanna sing the Never Let Go song!" Whoa.  (Sometimes he'll request "Deep Cries Out" which we all (including Lexi) heartily sing with the motions, but it's usually one of the other two).  I know where they all are on the CD.  I can never remember which is which, so it cracks me up when he requests the "Never Give Up" song, and I turn it to the wrong one.  I say, "Is this it?" and within a millisecond, he says, "NO!  This is the Never Let Go song!! I want the Never Give UP song!"  (Amazing how much demanding sass comes through even while he's requesting to hear a song about God! LOL!) Today, he demonstrated a classic level of childlike faith, as the Never Give Up song had just played before we got out of the car.  Upon our return to the car he (surprisingly) (or not) said, "I wanna sing the Never Give Up song.  It'll come on by itself."  I said, "Do you want me to turn it to the Never Give Up song?"  Oh.MY.GOSH!  Wrong question, apparently!  "NOOOOO!  Don't change it!  It'll come on by ITSELLLLLLLLF!"  Good thing this Mommy has stealthy little steering wheel controls to preserve that level of faith just a little longer :)

As if the singing of praises to the Lord was not enough, last night in the bath, he proudly declared, "Mommy, I'm washing away ALLLL my scents!"  I think he meant sins.  He'll learn soon enough that that's not his job....but for now I suppose we can let him think a little dab of Head-to-Toe Body Wash will do the trick.

Over the past few weeks, Jeremy & I have decided to start letting Jonah go to the musical Praise & Worship time in church, due to his true longing, even PLEADING, to be a part of that. I was reluctant at first, for fear that having him there would be a distraction to our time of worship. But, today, I felt this overwhelming sense of closeness to the Father by sharing in such a crucial spiritual time with my son, even at his young age of 3. And, I found myself with a lump in my throat as I looked down to see him singing with both arms lifted high above his head in worship, himself, this morning. Perhaps mimicking his Mama, but who knows, for sure! Regardless, he is learning the act of worship with true abandon! Wow, what a blessing! 

I'll be honest, it made me wonder if maybe everyone should take their pre-school and up children to that part of church!  I told my Mom, it moves me to the core to witness the ways in which God can already be making transformations in such a tiny little dude, with such a limited understanding and world view.  Even in the simple midst of putting all of these songs on Jonah's heart, I feel like God is going to be able to use that to shape his inmost being and teach my little man about His own character, as the lover and deliverer of Jonah's soul!  It's an incredible thing to think about!  And, of the absolute highest value to me, as his mother!  

I also felt a strong reassurance, or true impression on my heart, this morning that God has big plans for Jonah in His Kingdom! Maybe even as a worship leader himself, someday!  What a blessed day of worship and intimacy with the Father and my son.

Delusions of Holier Grandeur

I'm struggling with arrogance.  Arrogance of thinking that I've got it more "spiritually together" than someone else.  I won't say who, but well, suffice it to say, God helped to put me back in my place.  Here I was, engaged in my holier than thou internal dialogue....a truly ugly little talk that I would never say out LOUD, but will surely think inside of my head.  Have you ever caught yourself in such a dialogue?  "God is telling me all of these things, and opening my heart to His will for my life, and this is awesome.  Too bad so-and-so doesn't get that, or have that kind of relationship with God."  Oh, it's nothing I am proud to admit, but there I was the other day, right after church, no less, truly scrutinizing someone for their behavior right after the service.  "Well, look at that person!  He just showed up at church one way, and left the exact same way!  Why isn't heeeee being transformed by the Word like IIIIII am?"  Meanwhile, there I was JUDGING my neighbor, deciding for myself what God is doing with, in, and for that person's life.  Arrogance.  Wow.  But, God stopped me in the midst of my very thoughts (so I know it wasn't from me!), and I heard this crystal clear message.  A nice, peaceful message ("WHAT?" I thought, "WHO IS THAT?  CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING RATHER IMPORTANT HERE??") interrupting my harsh judgmental internal barrage of criticism toward someone's character and lack of holiness: "Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.  Listen to yourself.  How are you behaving any better than the one whom you judge?  Listen to me.  I see that person absolutely no differently than I see you!  My love for him is the same as it is for you.  The blood of Christ has covered all sin.  You were all sinners, and yet I sent my son to die that whoEVER believes in Him shall have eternal life. You are both my children, and I long for your hearts equally.  I love him no less than you.  I view him no differently than you.  You are both my children, and I love you both beyond measure."

What a tremendous lesson, and one that I needed!  I wouldn't typically like to admit that I walk around with an internal holier-than-thou attitude, judging the true holiness of my fellow "church-going Christians."  But, it's the message that God sent me, even in the midst of my delusions of holier grandeur that made it worth sharing.  I can only assume (although I may be totally wrong!) that others may struggle with this temptation to mentally try your neighbors, as well.  If so, remember what God revealed to me, and be encouraged, God loves you.  And, He loves me.  And, His grace is sufficient for all who believe!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Last week, I had been toiling with the thought of what to do about our attendance at Life Group.  I knew that our Life Group had been considering changing the night from Thursday to Tuesday, due to inconsistent attendance by the members.  Of course, switching to Tuesdays, for us, would leave Jeremy out of the possibility of ever attending, except perhaps to sneak in for a few short minutes on his dinner break from work.  However, I felt it pressed on my heart to visit with one of our Life Group Leaders, Jennifer, to express that Tuesdays may, in fact, be better for us as a family because I would be more likely to attend consistently on that night, whereas Thursdays are continuously hit or miss (mostly miss) for us.  Amazingly, when I expressed this logic to Jennifer, she reported that this was confirmation and an answered prayer, as she had also felt a strong urging to invite me to attend without Jeremy (not as a matter of excluding him, but as a matter of at least getting some consistent involvement across-the-board, and Jeremy can attend when possible, and he can be plugged-in through other means, such as the men's social gatherings, etc.), but she had prayed for clarity in the decision of whether or not to switch to Tuesdays.  See, we were the only family holding them back from switching to Tuesday nights.

So, what is my point in sharing this information?  Well, by waiting and listening, and then obeying God, by telling Jennifer my thoughts on switching to Tuesdays, I served as an avenue for God to give Jennifer that confirmation and clarity for which she had prayed.  What if I had ignored those feelings, or kept them to myself?  Then God could not have used me as a channel to answer her prayers.  Which leads me to wonder, how often does God, in fact, use us to answer someone else's prayers?  I have a friend going through a divorce, after 17 years of marriage, and they have 2 children, and every now and then, I just have this little sneaky thought in the back of my mind to send her an encouraging word.  And, then, the response is like, "Oh my gosh, you don't know how badly I needed that!"  So, what if those sneaky little thoughts in the back of my brain are, in FACT, the Holy Spirit, nudging me forth, and using ME...li'l ol' ME...as a means to answer someone's prayer for comfort and encouragement??  What kind of privilege and honor is that?!?!

Obedience to a Call, for me, is not just an obedience to write.  It's an obedience to listen and heed the Holy Spirit when it presses on my heart.  Who knows!  By doing one seemingly simple act, you may, in fact, be representing the hands and feet of Jesus to someone in need.  God absolutely uses us if we only obey His nudges.  God may be using you and your gifts to move someone's mountain without you even realizing it!  What a blessed revelation!  I think I'll start paying closer attention to the sneaky little voice in the back of my head :) 

He is Jealous for Me??

So, it's kind-of (or WAY) awesome how God can, in the same instance, reveal to you something you need to work on, but through that exact same situation, reveal to you something so very powerful about Himself, and about His relationship with YOU!

I was reflecting on my New Year's Resolution, and I was thinking on the Serenity part.  The part, where I basically said that I need to give up feeling jealous in trying to cultivate relationships that essentially don't want to be cultivated. (For more details, see my last post).  And, I'm driving down the road, when it hits me like the biggest lightbulb moment ever!  Oh MY GOSH!  This is the SAME JEALOUSY that God feels for ME!  It's that longing to want to be accepted and pursued by someone you have set your sights on, but by whom the feelings are not reciprocated.  I'm not even speaking of a ROMANTIC nature.  I mean, am I the only one who sometimes feels inadequate in friendships, or even family relationships?  Who takes the ones for granted that come so easily, while longing and aching to improve the ones with those who always have better things to do?  Am I the only one who longs for more, even though it repeatedly ends up fruitless? 

Instead, you watch the object of your affection busy themselves with other people and things that they treat as more important or feel are more exciting than you are.  And, you even see them continue to seek out relationships and make time for people whom they will later complain annoy them, or let them down.  And, meanwhile, there you stand, in your steadfast loyalty to that relationship....and you're taken for granted. Just called upon when that person's in need.  And, you just watch them.  And, wait.  And, feel let down, and jealous, and sad.  And, you wonder, will I EVER be cool enough for that person?  

Can it BE that I do the SAME thing to God?  I always have better things to do, treat other things as more important, or spend my time in activities that seem more exciting than God.  I spend my affections and energy, even, on people and things who will eventually let me down.  And, meanwhile, there He stands, in His steadfast loyalty to our relationship, and I take Him for granted.  Just call upon Him when I'm in need.  And, He watches me, and waits.  And, feels let down, and jealous and sad, and wonders, Will she EVER realize that I am good enough, sufficient enough, adequate enough, that I AM ENOUGH?

Thank you, God, for helping me to understand what it means that YOU are jealous for ME!

Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom in the New Year

New Year’s Resolution 2012 –

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,

COURAGE to change the things I can,

And WISDOM to know the difference.

I made a resolution to give up New Year’s Resolutions a few years ago, but I’m giving up that resolution.  It’s only fitting, since it goes with the age-old theory that you can never keep a New Year’s Resolution, so why bother with them, right?

But, I say, what’s wrong with TRYING to better yourself?  It’s a great thing….this new YEAR, a new chance to “get it right.”  Of course, we’ll never reach perfection, but if we don’t keep setting new goals, and aiming to better ourselves, then we may as well give up and cash in our chips on life altogether.

So, I’m making a FEW resolutions this year.  Or, setting some goals, anyhow.  That’s what a resolution is to me:  An aim to accomplish a thing or 2 within the next year.  It doesn’t mean, “I’m going to stop doing [this] cold turkey, or start doing [that] perfectly and consistently, every day, starting January 1.”  No, it means picking some things I want to do differently in my life; finding those things over which I have control, and exerting control over them to become a better person and have a better life.

We can all learn a lot from the Serenity Prayer.  It’s a great framework for New Year’s Resolutions.  The key is to give it up to God, though.  It’s not all about your OWN strength and willpower, but surrendering your struggles to God, and inviting Him to reveal the things you can and need to change.  With that being said, here’s to a New Year, and an abundance of blessings in 2012!

1)    SERENITY:

a.    I aim to spend less time dwelling on the things that frustrate me, over which I have absolutely ZERO control.  This means I have to accept the fact that sometimes, life doesn’t feel “just,” and that’s okay.  I have to forgive those whom I feel treat me or my kids unfairly, and I must refuse to let uncontrollable circumstances control my emotions. 

b.    I have to understand that I cannot make everyone happy, and not everyone in this life is going to love me and want to spend as much time with me as I’d like to spend with them. 

c.    I’m giving up the need to please and the need for acceptance.  The fact of the matter is that I have such a blessed life, and I have some amazing and special people in my life, and I need to spend time cultivating the relationships that are on fertile soil, rather than feeling jealous, longing to cultivate relationships on rocky ground. 

d.    Fulfillment of THIS resolution will come with so much FREEDOM and JOY!

2)    COURAGE:  

a.    I aim to be a better mother: to put my phone & computer away, until my babies are fast asleep.  To play hard, and enjoy the chance to be kid again, myself, every time my kids invite me into their world of make-believe. 

b.    I aim to continue my journey toward good health: 

                                          i.    More running.  I ran 3 races last year, and I haven’t run since the Turkey Trot, over a month ago.  I’d like to say, “I’m going to run a half-marathon next year,” but I’d rather keep it more realistic, and say, “I’m going to run more races next year than I did in 2011, and I’m going to try my hand (or, feet, rather) at a 10K, and see where I go from there.” 

                                        ii.    I’m going to get back into the gym consistently. I just need to get back into the habit of packing a gym bag and heading straight there after work.

                                       iii.    I’m going to drink more water (this one shouldn’t be too hard, since I drink about 2 cups of water per day, on average).

                                       iv.    I’m going to give up grains, the best I can, for at least long enough to see if it has a positive impact on my health, which means….

                                        v.    I’m going to cook more! (I’m already way better about this than I was a year ago…so see?  PROGRESS is PROGRESS!!)

c.    I’m going to foster my gifts and talents:

                                          i.    I’m going to read more and I’m going to write more.

d.    I’m going to read through my entire Bible this year.

e.    I’m going to research avenues in which I can contribute to my community without giving up the precious already limited time I have with my kids.

3)    WISDOM:

a.    I’m going to spend more time in prayer and meditation, seeking God’s face, and discernment, rather than trying to figure it out all on my own.

Happy New Year!  Many Blessings to you and yours as you embark on this amazing opportunity we get to try, once again, to get it all right!!

Faith of a Child

Jonah (age 3) initiated his first prayer the other night.  It went something like this:

Jonah (randomly, out of the blue): “Mommy, is your head hurt?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know, honey?  Would you like to pray for Mommy’s head?”

Jonah (instantly, and without hesitation jumps into my lap and places both hands on my head): “Dear God, please protect us.”

Daddy: “And, what do we say at the end of our prayers, Jonah?”

Jonah: “No!  Mommy, you have to repeat after me, okay?  Dear God, please protect us.”

Me: [Repeats]

Jonah: “And make Mommy’s head better.”

Me: [Repeats]

Jonah: “In Jesus Name we pray, [enthusiastically] AMENNNN!!!!!!!!”

Me: […..cries] J

Perfection.

Can't we all learn something from the simplicity of a child's faith and prayers?  We don't have to make it all bubbly and froofroo (yes, I'm pretty sure I just made up a word).  Sometimes, when we pray out loud, we want it to sound so elegant, but the bottom line is, God already knows our hearts.  We just need to petition Him with our requests.  Sometimes, simplicity is the key.  Simple, straight-forward honesty from the heart. 
*LOVE*

Romans 8:28 - Putting it into Practice

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

So, every time I pray to God, I feel this pressing call to write. What to write? I don't know. Maybe music, maybe poetry. For now, I guess a blog. I've been told I have a gift, and here I am, nearly 34-years-old, and I seem to be letting it go to waste.

But, then, this crazy thing happens. My body starts rebelling on me. Sometimes my muscles go all wacky, and I even have difficulty finding the right words sometimes. For those who know me well, you know that is just NOT typical of me. Who knows what is causing this! Hopefully, there will be an answer soon. But, the bottom line is that there is a lesson to be learned here. God has purposed my life with a calling. I feel a strong calling to write. To use my gifts to give glory to Him. But, He isn't giving me forever to get it together and answer that call. For me, I've had this fortunate awakening...to realize that I can't take my gifts for granted. This crazy mysterious phenomenon going on in my body may be totally benign and go away as quickly as it came, or it may be progressive. It may be caused by nothing, or it may be caused by something serious. I may continue to have a progression in random muscle movements that eventually prevent me from being able to sit and type at a computer or find that “just right” way to express a thought that some others are unable to articulate with such ease. Who knows at this point! What I DO know, is that I have to write. Because God has told me to....over and OVER again! Who knows where it will take me, or what purpose it will serve, but I guess it's time to do what I'm told!! Here's to Obedience.

The bottom line, and painful (or not so painful?) truth is that we are not promised tomorrow. I'm coming to terms with that, in a good way - in a way that has lit a fire under my behind. What has God called you to do? What are your gifts? Are you going to use them? If not, then why do you think you have them? In all reality, God can yank them away as quickly as He imparted them. Have you put God's calling to your life on the back-burner? Procrastinated? Doubted yourself? The enemy loves to distract us and cast doubt on what God has called us to do to fulfill HIS purpose. We are not our own. Our bodies are TEMPLES of the Lord. One day, we will no longer reside in this body, and our time on earth will be done. For some, it may come after a long, full life. For others, it may proceed a lengthy illness, and for some, it may come suddenly and without warning: a car accident, stroke, or cardiac event. For some it will come at too early an age for society to accept, and for others, like my great-grandmother, who lived past the age of 100, some may begin to wonder if “God forgot about them.” It's easy to get caught up in that comfortable feeling of immortality. That place where there's no urgency, no pressing desire to answer the Call. But, the Call is upon us to further His kingdom. It's why we're here. So, I suppose I'll write. Seems simple enough. What will you do?